I know Mondays are usually dedicated to food posts but I decided to switch things up today as this is a post I’ve wanted to write for quite some time. They’ll be more food later this week, promise!

So there was a wave- a wave of honesty among bloggers to put the pretty and overly curated photos on hold for a day and get really real. And this wave, really, a movement, was started by Jess. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, and if you haven’t let’s just say Oprah did, so that’s pretty major.

The blog meme has been labeled “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.” I’ve called mine that because I want to give credit where credit is due. But for me, the things I’ve noted below I’m not necessarily afraid to tell you, they’re just parts of me. Parts that frustrate me, parts that make me sad, parts that make me angry, and parts that just make me human. I get so much out of those posts where someone really puts themselves out there, so I’m hoping I can do the same for you. So here goes…

I get jealous of other people’s families. Do not get me wrong, I have an amazing family, like truly amazing. My brother and I had an incredible childhood and were afforded experiences and opportunities that the majority of this world doesn’t get, and for that I am so thankful. But sometimes I look at other families and just wish I had one that wasn’t divorced and went to the beach together every summer and celebrated every holiday and birthday together and so on. I know no family is perfect, everyone has their problems, but I still get jealous from time to time.

I’m tired of paying for health insurance. Ok, I’m not exactly tired of paying for it- I know I chose to work for myself and thus elected to get personal health insurance. I’m just tired of paying for something that provides practically zero benefits. I’m lucky I’m healthy enough that I can have a plan that doesn’t cover ANY prescription drugs.  But you know what? I’d really like to go to the dermatologist and not have to pay through the nose for one visit (or pay huge monthly premiums just to be able to go).

Sometimes we eat frozen food. Ok, have you had the vegetarian Indian food from Trader Joe’s? It’s pretty good! But seriously, I know I tout all homemade food on CC, but life is busy and some nights we’ll just eat a frozen pizza or Brandon will make himself a grilled cheese or I’ll take a can of beans and throw a few things in and call it dinner. That’s real life.

I interviewed for a job last month. Yep, a job. I wasn’t searching, an opportunity came my way that I felt inclined to explore, but I still applied. And while the whole process made me that much more sure I wanted to stick with working for myself and forming my own business, I still feel anxious and unsure about what I’m doing at times. I still worry I’ve somehow made a mistake or things won’t work out. Most days I feel positive and excited and can power through, but some days are really really hard.

I sometimes wonder what the point of this all is. I love blogging, believe me, I do. I love sharing recipes with you, photographing the food, putting together beautiful posts- it keeps my mind flowing and creative. But some days when it’s the weekend or late at night and I’m still plugging away I wonder if it’s really worth it. Am I really contributing anything? Would my time be better spent spending more time with my family, calling an old friend, or watching a movie with Brandon? I know there are benefits and in the long run it makes me a happier person, but sometimes it just feels like a race that I’m not even keeping up in.

My dad is much older than other dads. Much older, as in 88. He’s also a really successful artist, but you’ll never hear me say that out loud because I don’t want it to sound like I’m bragging. The thing is though, I’m just really proud of him. His age was something I was embarrassed about growing up since most dads are much younger, and now it’s something I still struggle with because it’s tough to have an aging parent when you’re in your mid twenties.

I’m not too original when it comes to fashion and I don’t really have an interest in being that original. I always want to look put together, and I have a good eye when it comes to what looks good on me and others- but it’s not too different than what you see in the catalogues or online. I have no patience for vintage stores. I can’t really mix prints. I barely ever wear heals. I’d be happy wearing black leggings and oversized sweaters all winter, and shorts or jeans and basic t-shirts all summer. I used to think it would make me better or happier if I were more stylish, but now all I want to really be is comfortable- all the time.

Woo- so there you have it. That felt as good as I had anticipated. Thanks, as always, for listening.

Image Credit

  1. It was nice to read someone elses inner anxieties. It makes me remember everyone feels the same about something in their life.

  2. Thanks for sharing this Clara. It’s so comforting to see that everyone has insecurities, fears and bad habits hiding behind polished exteriors. I’ve often been told that I look so put together and calm, when inside, I often feel like a quivering ball of raw nerves.
    Have a wonderful week.
    Marie

  3. What a great post! I hadn’t heard of the things I’m afraid to tell you trend…but it’s a great idea and very interesting!

  4. Lisa

    Coming from a friend whose wedding you are planning, you are contributing A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. And I also hate paying for health insurance :)

  5. Hi Clara! I really enjoyed reading this post. Sometimes we eat frozen food as well. Trader Joe’s has some good pizzas. Your father sounds like such an interesting man! I hope you’re having a good Monday.

  6. linda contreras

    Clara,

    This post was so raw and so honest. Thank you so much for sharing. You are SO not alone. Even after all these years (I am MUCH older than you!), I still have to start from the beginning on some days and figure it all out again.
    have a great week!

  7. I read my younger self in your words and admire your many talents, as well as your willingness to share your vulnerabilities. Also love your blog!

  8. jen

    You have no idea how much I needed this post today. Thank you for sharing and know that while everyone’s list might be a little bit different, we all have a list. XOXO!

  9. Clara

    Thanks all for your thoughtful comments!

  10. My father-in-law is in his late 70′s. I can relate by-proxy to having an older father. thanks for sharing!

  11. Pingback: Nesting | Channeling Contessa

  12. Cynthia

    Clara, dear, no one enjoys paying for health insurance, or car or home insurance . . . but if we don’t, how could we possibly expect others to pay for it for us? That is the thing . . . before the government can dole out anything for ‘free’ . . . it has to take it from somewhere . . . and that somewhere is us, the hardworking people who feel that WE and not the government are best able to determine how we spend our money. If my family had not had health, car, home, and funeral insurance on May 22, 2011 when we were wiped out by a massive tornado . . . we would not have survived . . . so I GLADLY pay those insurance premiums. I am sure than many who survived ‘Sandy’ are also glad that those nasty premiums were paid as well! ;^) I’m just saying that nobody rides for free!

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